hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
