Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
