my mouth tastes like poor choices
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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