He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
