I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
