this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
