So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
