he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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