I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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