guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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