Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
