i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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