Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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