just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
