U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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