My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
