you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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