You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
