tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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