sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
