somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just pynch a tree in the face
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
