my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
How external is "for external use only"?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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