girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
