I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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