So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
