Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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