I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
