Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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