Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
