We're facebook friends in real life
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize