And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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