I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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