Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
