I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
