I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
