It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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