Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
