I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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