Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
