they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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