I want to have your abortion
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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