Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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