I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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