I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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