I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I could make wine with my vomit
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
