Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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