new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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