Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
