Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
