what day is it and did you see me today?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i think i just lost a toe
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
