Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
